Absolute smokeshow.

Women are not small men. From their cells and chemical compositions to their ability to own more than one towel, women are physiologically distinct from men. Yet to gain respect in athletics, all women need to beat every man who has ever played in the history of playing. If a woman can’t lay out the entire Steelers defensive line by herself — slut! LOL— she shouldn’t be trying to play sports.

It might surprise you, but I support this. If women want to get credit for doing something well, then “well” isn’t good enough. They’d better be the fucking BEST…


My client with a history of elbow surgeries came to me in tears one morning. A year or so prior, I had put her on an assisted pull-up machine. Even with maximum assistance, she still slipped off dramatically. Her hands couldn’t hold on for an instant. She was upset and I felt terrible; I had underestimated the weakness from those surgeries. We set a grip strength goal and worked tirelessly on it.

So I was startled when, one day, she started crying at the end of a workout. She said, “Mia, I don’t think my grip is getting any better…


Start with cardio.

This piece is being featured as part of our #BelladonnaBallyhoo, an effort to raise money for the Sylvia Rivera Law Project. Donate to the SRLP here and let us know on Twitter — we’ll hit you back with a hair compliment!

I often look for article topics via Google’s auto-complete technology. For example, if I type “Weightlifting and,” the results are:

Weightlifting and weight loss

Weightlifting and blood pressure

Weightlifting and cardio

Etc.

It tells you what people are commonly searching for so you can address that need in your next piece. …


In my last Medium piece, I wrote about the importance of teaching people how to plan their own workouts. I suggested choosing all exercises from the bank of Squat Lunge Push Pull Hinge and Rotate. (I also included five sample exercises from each category.)

I got a text from my dear friend:

“OK, Mia, a question. Squat, lunge, push, pull, hinge, rotate. Do you mix them up in a single workout? Or do you devote one workout to each?”

Oh boy.

Trying to teach fitness programming by text is like trying to teach astrophysics by text. I’m not saying exercise…


Never again pretend you’re looking for an earring while secretly reading the machine’s directions.

The number one reason — by far — that people don’t go to the gym is because they feel stupid when they’re there.

They think: A) that they will not know how to set equipment properly; B) that someone will see their workout and laugh; or C) that they’ll be doing stuff that’s way easier than what everyone else is doing.

In theory, these barriers are so simple to remove. A) ask; B) they won’t; C) no one cares. Boom, done. But it doesn’t feel simple in real life. It feels awful.

We’re scared of gyms. Research shows that nearly…


Duuuuuuuuuuude.

Fitness seems so basic. We were born with our bodies, and we innately know how to use them. Don’t you just move your body in some direction or another and become fit? How could movement be complicated? Even amoebas and Republicans know how to move. Isn’t moving the most intuitive thing we do? The answer is yes. Movement is beautifully innate.

Every type of movement is useful in some way for us and our bodies. All movement is essentially equal in this way. …


Six ways to improve your diet without compromising taste

I would have drunk toilet water before eating the salads of my youth. Iceberg lettuce, shredded carrot, sliced cucumber, whole cherry tomatoes, and some shitty ranch dressing in a glob on top. It was the salad that came on the side of a 16oz steak. At your neighbor’s house for every grilling party. The salad you got at fancy weddings.

I’d select the three greenest pieces of lettuce and chew on them like cud for a while before tossing the rest. Shredded carrot? Sure, who wouldn’t want to eat this ribboned bicycle tire? And there was no way you were…


I’m a chronic, enthusiastic, I-genuinely-love-it, name-my-first-child-ShakeWeight, type of exerciser. I chose fitness for a career, I participate in multiple adult sports leagues, and I’m competitive to the level of playing Who Can Unload The Dishwasher Faster? and No One Goes To Bed Until Someone Has Correctly Identified The Next Fifteen Songs That Play On The Radio.

In spite of this love of exercise, I’m famous for fitness procrastination. I find it nearly impossible to start a workout. If I’m supposed to train at 1pm, I’ll be face down in Bachelor Twitter at 1:20pm. Or I’ll sit in the staff office…


As a longtime strength coach and personal trainer, people ask me one question more than any other question. It’s not what you would predict, like “Can I get rid of my muffin top by doing crunches?” (Nope!) or “Do I have to do burpees,” (Nope!) even though I hear those questions all the time. And I’ve gotten just about every kind of bananas-level question too, from “Will exercise keep me from getting pregnant?” (Oh, honey…) to “Will you please only wear short skirts when you train me?” (Sir, I have notified the police.)

But none of these is the most…


Companies that embrace Light Low Calorie Cooking are super into carbohydrate replacements. Cauliflower rice, eggplant chips, portobello mushroom bread slices. It’s an intoxicating prospect. Replace your carbs with vegetables, eat the same foods you love, end up with a healthier diet! Boom!

Except I have questions. What’s the real point here? Because it doesn’t feel like increased vegetable consumption to me. You could just suggest that your readers roast some brussels sprouts to go with their rice. No, these ideas always sound suspiciously like “Rice will make you Fat. …

Mia Lazarewicz

NSCA-CPT, CSCS, American Ninja Warrior, gymnast, author, Gryffindor. Follow me on IG and Twitter @thebossiraptor, and at my website www.lazertraining.com

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